Here is a truth, most people are too available. Far too available when dating. Think about the things you aspire to, good clothes, expensive Italian car perhaps, Tiffany jewelry, Rolex watches, a 100 foot yacht. Whatever. The fact is, the things we most want or desire in life are often the least accessible. Things are seen to be worthwhile because they are rare. Rarity is the key ingredient here. The less we can get hold of something, the more we want it after the initial need or feeling of desire is created.
The unobtainable is oh so sweet, from the catwalk supermodel to Brad Pitt, we can dream but we cannot have. And that, my friends is the point of this article. When you date stop being so available, stop being at the end of a phone, stop being available 24 hours a day and start being elusive. Why? Because for the reasons I have just said. Create the need and then remove it and the desire factor goes through the roof.
The problem with following this brief piece of advice is that it is extremely difficult for mere mortals to do. When we meet someone we really like we stop playing games, we want to be with them, we want to see them 24 hours a day, our waking hours are devoted to our next meeting. The problem is, our date may not see things the same way and soon boredom can set in. Worse, by being too available we cheapen our own attractiveness, we become far less rare, far more common and sadly far less desirable.
So what we need to do is train ourselves to be enigmatic and elusive and stop being so available. A friend of mine worked in a bar in new York and was always attracting girls but he never appeared to get anywhere after the first couple of dates. He is a lovely guy and probably one of the most reliable men I have ever met. He wanted to know why women seemed to lose interest in him and stopped calling so we performed an experiment.
He was asked not to call the women he dated, maybe once but after that let the women chase. They would leave messages, he didn’t reply, if he did it was a while later. So they would pop into the bar to see him but he never offered to make new arrangements first though he maintained their interest levels and very soon he discovered that the girls were now chasing him! The point here was that he had become elusive, he had an air of mystery now, he was someone the girls wanted to get to know. He was achallenge.
It has happened to me on numerous occasions that I have let myself become too available. I had to learn the hard way. I met a beautiful girl whilst working in New York City and it appeared to be perfect from the moment we met, so much so that I threw my dating rules out of the window and we spent almost two full weeks together. Then all of a sudden it stopped. And she wanted to call things off. The fact was that I had become too available for her, I was there whenever she wanted, I had altered my routine too soon, too quickly and too much for things to work out. Of course I was available for all the right reasons but it had completely the wrong effect. I lost the girl.
So when you meet someone you like, by all means get started down the dating path but ensure that you keep to your regular schedule and don’t be available every day. If you are free both days a the weekend, one is for you, one is for your date at first. If you are free Tuesday and Thursday for dinner, let them know which is better for you. If they suggest Tuesday, you suggest Thursday. Don’t call so frequently (which is extremely hard to do) and don’t always answer your phone (yes really) and make sure that you can bring plenty of separate activity information back to your date when you do meet up.
For all the crazy forced separation, the dates you will have will be all the more spectacular. For many of you reading this you will think I am crazy or have misgivings about trying to do this and I bet that many of you won’t listen when you meet the person you are crazy about. The fact is, the less available you are to a degree, the more likely you will succeed in getting your Mr. Right. Create the demand, become the diamond and then become as difficult as a top jewelers to get into, but sustain the desire factor – that’s the way it works.