How to Ask Someone Out: Get the Timing Right
When dating successfully, getting your timing right is one of the single most important factors. Timing in respect to the best time to ask a girl out, with respect to what night to ask her out first and even with respect to when in your lives you actually meet at all.
Looking back on my life so far I realize that when relationships didn’t work out, it wasn’t because the girls I dated were wrong for me. Most often it was because we simply met at the wrong time in our lives. To meet a great girl who wants to get married to you when you are 22 years old may just be wrong timing. Meeting a fantastic lady when you are working abroad or on a short contract in a different location may be bad timing. And meeting someone who wants children when you are not yet ready is again bad timing. Sadly, many of these situations can’t be helped, because that’s how life goes. The people we would have grown old with best are often the ones we encountered to early or at the wrong moment in time. One cannot go back and one cannot rekindle something lost in time, so we have to accept that bad timing does happen with all of us.
Some timing issues have more to do with events and life cicumstances. Like when we ask a girl out at just the wrong moment. We are attracted to someone and take the initiative or opportunity, only to discover that she got into a new relationship hree weeks earlier. Or that she has just broken up with someone and is not yet ready for a new relationship. Maybe there has been a family crisis and the girl you are interested in is not predisposed for a romantic encounter. Three times in my life I have met great girls just as they (or I) were relocating to a new city! On top of this if you add illness and many other factors, there are plenty of opportunities for getting your timing wrong and invariably this is not your fault. Just a fact of life.
If someone accepts your proposal of a date, then you can control the timing somewhat better. Your basic instinct is to go for a weekend because you won’t need to go to work the following day and so can stay out later. Often there are more social events to go to at a weekend and more restaurants open and with better atmosphere. Clubs, bars and discos are all far more attractive at a weekend and offer many more possibilities of dating. Yet this may be a good example of bad timing.
When dating you may want to think about the attractiveness of a week night which can work to your benefit. Weekends are often the only real free time people have got and many now plan their weekends well in advance. I do not like being on a strict schedule but again it is a fact of life in the early stages of dating. And I’lladmit that going on a date during the week takes away some of the glamour. Weekdays are fairly dull affairs in comparison and many are taken up with hobbies or commuting. But because they are also far less formal than a weekend, a first date on a weeknight can be seen as far more relaxed and informal.
Also, week day dates are usually not late night affairs, and an unsuccessful date can be gently brought to an end. So dinner after work may be a good thing after all. Also bear in mind that week nights can be dull and so a sparkling evening with you will do you and them no harm at all. In fact you are not competing with some other glamorous event the girl could have attended instead of being with you, so you are far less likely to face that troublesome contrast. Dating midweek also opens up the possibilities of more dates in a shorter amount of time and successful dates can quickly become longer prolonged weekend dates shortly afterwards.
You can do a great deal to help yourself with disappointment when a girl says no to you. Be flexible in your arrangements. Always offer a girl a choice of dates and locations and understand when she has reasons for doing other things. All too often when someone says no you automatically assume you are being given an excuse and that the truth lies elsewhere. You assume too much. Let her know that you are interested in her and that when things are better for her in her diary , that you can make some arrangements. Always stress that you are busy too and this will add to your overall appeal. Remember that you too must never be too available otherwise it comes across that you are uninteresting, or even worse, desperate. We have all heard the fabled excuse “I can’t, I’m washing my hair tonight.” That could be true.
On the other hand, lame excuses are just that, lame. They are meant to warn you off. And even though persistence may be a good trait, it doesn’t often win the girl. The interest factor is at play there and when a woman makes to many lame excuses it shows her interest factor is low. If she was very interested, believe me she will move heaven and earth to meet you. Therefore it is essential that you get your timing right and ask a girl out when there is the greatest chance she will say yes. That does not mean you should prey on her when she is at her lowest ebb. When a girl says no and means it, you will know it. Coming on to her after that and you become a menace so simply move in. It is a numbers game my friend.
If you are in a nightclub, timing again plays its part. Asking a girl to dance when she has just met up with a huge group of friends will receive a negative response even if she likes the look of you. On the other hand, intercepting her at the bar whilst her friend is in the bathroom may well prove perfect. Try reading the signals of the situation in a positive way. Asking a girl to dance at 1am as the club is about to play the last song will usually get you nowhere unless both she and you are desperate. And what basis is that or successful dating?
So, whilst being flexible and semi available, know your subject in advance and work out when she is most likely to be available if possible. If your timing is right, you could easily get lots of positive responses that will lead on to something more special. Not taking timing into account can have the opposite and most disheartening effect.
- Understand when a woman has good reason to say no
- Be flexible and offer an alternative when asking – are you free Thursday or Friday?
- Don’t fight her excuses if she says no, just move on
- Always sound busy yourself
- Accept that some people you will meet at the wrong time
- Choose a weeknight for the first date
- Choose the right moment to apprach a date in a bar of nightclub
- Never be scared of asking, the more you ask the more confident you will be
- Try not to ask her out in the middle of a big group, choose your moment carefully for maximum effect
- Don’t get annoyed if she says no – smile!
- Try and know as much about your date’s circumstances in advance only if she is known to you already
- Work out the best moments to ask someone out
- Don’t ask her out when she is clearly busy or stressed or unhappy or not well