Dating A Single Mother
A single man dating a single mother requires speedy access to a new set of dating rules. Whilst the simple tried and tested dating rules apply, to flirting and getting to know her, when it comes to establishing a connection and taking things forward there are a number of factors you may need to consider.
If you’re met a woman you’d like to get to know, and she happens to be a single mother, use our tips for dating success.
Dating Dynamics
DO: Be Patient And Flexible
Single mothers have two identities. They are attentive and loving parents and single women. These identities often conflict with each other when an opportunity to date an interesting man arises. A single mother who is new to dating has to overcome confusion and learn a new set of rules, whilst considering the needs of her children. It is therefore important that you are patient and flexible when you’re dating a single mother. Although her focus is entirely on you, when you are out on a date, her children still come first.
DON’T: Fill A Void
Never date a single mother because you think she is desperate for attention and affection and you can therefore fill a void in your life. Don’t expect the single mother you are dating to compensate for what you didn’t get from your last dating experience or failed relationship.
The Ex Factor
DO: Be Grown Up
One of the confusing hurdles for men to overcome, when dating a single mother, is the fact that her ex partner (and father to her children) may still play a part in her life. If she is recently separated/divorced it is important to accept that she may still be dealing with hurt and feelings from the break-up of the family unit. If she has been single for some time it is likely that she has established ground rules that benefit her children.
Be grown up about the situation and don’t get jealous because she has to talk to or spend time around her ex. The more harmonious her connection with her ex is the easier your relationship will be.
DON’T: Fire Questions
Dating a single mother means that there is a likely to be a father/ex connection that you many have to deal with, should your relationship develop. Do not interrogate a single mother about her ex. Let her bring him up in conversation when the time feels right for her.
Game Playing
DO: Play Fair
A single mother has many pressing concerns and priorities in her life and she doesn’t have the time or energy to get involved in relationship game playing. When you’re dating a single mother appreciate that she is taking time out from her busy schedule to spend quality grown-up time with you. Make your time with her a priority so that she feels appreciated and valued.
DON’T: Play Hard To Get
Playing hard to get in most dating scenarios is pointless and time consuming. When you play hard to get with a single mother – by playing it cool and waiting an hour before you reply to her texts or phone call – you are manipulating her valuable time and wasting yours. A single mother appreciates honesty so it is important that you treat her with respect and don’t keep her waiting.
Rescue Mission
DO: Be Realistic
Many men are wary about dating single mothers because they think they will end up getting involved with a woman who is clingy and needy, and looking for a substitute father figure for her children. The reality is: single mothers are less likely to be clingy and desperate to get a relationship started! A single mother is dealing with the aftermath of a failed relationship and typically has little interest in getting heavily involved with a man who wants to rescue her. Be realistic and accept that she simply wants to get her life back in order.
DON’T: Expect To Play Dad
Don’t insist that you meet her children anytime soon. It should be a single mother’s decision and choice, when it comes to introducing her children to someone new. When the relationship becomes more committed be ready to get to know her children and involve them in your time together. Do not, however, try to take over as the child/children’s parent, no matter how much they may like you.
Going With The Flow
DO: Be Accepting
A relationship with a single mother is not likely to flow like other relationships. Whilst you may have a lot of things in common and be highly compatible there may be times when being spontaneous and going with the flow simply isn’t possible. A relationship with a single mother doesn’t have space for freedom to plan quality time together. No matter how much effort you have put into making her feel special her parental duties always take priority over anything else. Going with the flow, when you’re dating a single mother, means being flexible to accommodate the demands of her family life.
DON’T: Make Demands
Dating a single mother requires patience, understanding, flexibility and a willingness to play the long game. If your relationship is progressing nicely do not start making demands and rushing long-term plans. Accept that no matter how committed you may be she has the final say when it comes to moving things forward.
