Confidence: To Date You Must Not be Shy
Most of us are shy in one way or another or at one time or another. It is natural. Shyness is when we fear the consequences of our actions and are paralyzed to the extent that we cannot do what we would like to do. In dating, this becomes an acute issue due to having to put ourselves well outside our comfort zone. We wish to retreat into our shell and protect ourselves rather than take on the ‘dangers’ of opening up to a stranger.
Shyness takes on many forms, from not being able to ask someone on a date, to not being able to accept. We may find it hard to talk about ourselves or to talk to others. We may be too shy to make an approach, we may be too shy to make a first move or even later, to initiate a kiss, or to respond. Once again, let me stress that this is pretty common in the dating game and leads to many miscommunications, bad signals and stress that we really wish to avoid.
Sometimes when we are shy it is simply easier to avoid dating and say no to someone. It is easier to not approach the person we like and make excuses. When you see someone you like at the bar you clearly want to introduce yourself but hope they make the first move. You can get Dutch-courage from having a few beers or wines which will allow you to become more confident. So overcoming shyness is often a matter of confidence by degrees.
Being shy as a woman is often an attractive quality, and the right kind of confident guy will take you gently out of your shyness and open the situation up. For a man however, shyness can be a debilitating issue that has to be dealt with in order to succeed. The first question to ask yourself is what is it you are shy about? Almost always the first reply is fear of rejection. A man wants to be successful in his approach and for many guys, they learn that a girl saying no is all part of the game. They learn to deal with negative responses and realize that it is a numbers game. Some will say no, others are dying to meet him.
But for a shy man, he has yet to get to that level of confidence. He is scared of girls saying no as he is highly selective. He sees a good-looking girl, maybe the only one he is attracted to in the bar, and he wants to meet only her. He fears she will say no and pre-empts the negative response by assuming too much and then withdraws into shyness by making mental excuses as to why it is not worth taking the gamble of making an approach. In doing so, he has defeated himself at the very first hurdle. This pattern can last not for weeks or months, but for years. It is a situation that must be overcome.
One of the things that can help guys is associating socially with more confident male friends and through this getting the feel of overcoming shyness by being surrounded by confident guys who are busy approaching girls. In doing so he will receive some of that confidence and try to move out of his comfort zone. That is why you often see men acting more confident in a big group. It is almost like a team-mentality.
The next reason why men are shy is because they don’t feel good about themselves and haven’t yet addressed the issue. They may not be happy about who they are and the way they look. Once again it is related to confidence but can easily by addressed by following the tips elsewhere in my articles. In this scenario the man is not yet prepared to date and in doing so has disallowed himself the opportunity of being able to approach a woman. You MUST feel good about yourself to overcome the shyness that protects you.
Some guys are shy because they simply aren’t that good at chatting a girl up or are not very good looking. They prefer for the signals they receive froma woman to be sent to them as loud as a car horn before they will even consider doing something about it. And even then they will question themselves as to whether they really read the situation right. Once again it is about changing a few things and feeling better about yourself. If you are overweight, start losing it. If you are out of shape, get to the gym. If you aren’t dressed well, start saving up and buy a few new clothes. Even of you are not very good looking, you are certainly not isolated from dating. Some of the funniest men alive are some of the ugliest men I have ever seen and they have an army of adoring female fans.
Some men are shy because their approach stinks. As soon as they meet a woman they like their conversation dries up and they freeze. They come across like a blubbering fool and retreat fast. Once again this is addressed by a little forward thinking and some Practise. A man can chat up women everywhere. He can chat to them over the counter in a store, or in a diner or anywhere he finds women. Over time, talking with women will become far more natural and will open up more possibilities. So start practicing.
Often the answer to shyness in this sense is to have things to say. You don’t need to be a superstar comedian but you can be and often are amusing with your friends. You simply have to learn how to bring that humor out when talking with a girl. Most men don’t listen to a girl when she is talking, they are too busy thinking. If you listen closely, she is telling you everything you need to know about how to act, react and what to talk about with her. So start listening too.
Shyness is often about a lack of self-worth. You will think up excuses as to why the person you like won’t like you in advance. Maybe they are already attached, maybe you don’t think they could like someone like you, perhaps you think they aren’t approachable. How on earth do you know if you don’t try? And furthermore, what have you got to lose? You can argue that in being shy you can be rejected and this will make you feel even worse and retreat into your shell even more. However, what happens when someone says yes? The world becomes a different place my friend.
Shyness can become a debilitating illness, it can restrict you not only in dating but form taking risks in many aspects of your life. It can prevent you from becoming successful, or from enjoying sports and adventure and even living your life. We all have shy days but it is time to look ahead. It is always easier not to do something than to do it, but you will get out of life far more if you challenge yourself. Dating is often about just that, challenging yourself. Begin today by smiling at people you are attracted to. Nothing more. Once you are confident in doing that then start chatting to people in stores over the counter and make conversation. People like to be talked to.
Once you are used to approaching strangers and smiling then use the same technique in a bar or at a social event. Learn to introduce yourself, even just ina friendly way. Get used to talking to new people. Learn about your best qualities and work on the ones that aren’t so great. Over a short period of time you will see that approaching people isn’t so hard after all.
As a guy remember the lesson that women like confident men. As a woman you are already way ahead of the guys as it is their task generally to come over to you. Open yourself up to these approaches and although you may say no, allow men to talk to you and allow yourself to be flattered too. After all, you may go home alone, but you will also know that that was simply by choice.